


Bitter In My Mouth

by MiaCooper



Series: Behind the Scenes: 31 Days of Voyager [12]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Ending Relationship, Episode: s03e10 Warlord, Episode: s03e13 Fair Trade, Gen, Ocampa, Talaxians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 17:43:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16269194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiaCooper/pseuds/MiaCooper
Summary: As Neelix prepares to say goodbye to everyone he loves, one farewell is the hardest of all.





	Bitter In My Mouth

**Author's Note:**

> Written for #fictober2018 Day 12 prompt: “Who could do this?” Episode addition to _Warlord_ and _Fair Trade_.
> 
> Neelix and Kes evidently broke up in _Warlord_ when her body was inhabited by Tieran, but for closure, a scene in _Fair Trade_ was scripted in which they acknowledge their breakup. I’m not sure if the scene was scrapped before filming or cut from the final edit. Either way, this is my take on it. And yes, I find the Neelix/Kes relationship problematic, but hopefully this gives them both some dignity.

* * *

Goodbye, goodbye, I hate the word. Solitude has long since turned brown and withered, sitting bitter in my mouth and heavy in my veins.  
-  colorfulquotations.tumblr.com  
  
  
“I killed a man.”  
  
“What?” Those are not words he ever thought he’d hear from her lips.  
  
“Ensign Martin, in the transporter room. When I stole the shuttle to escape to Ilari.”  
  
“Ah,” he understands. “Kes, that wasn’t you. It was that Tieran, controlling you.”  
  
“But he died by my hand,” Kes repeats. “I can’t help wondering if I’d fought harder, been stronger … would Ensign Martin still be alive?”  
  
“It wasn’t your fault.” He hesitates before reaching over to place his hand on hers. “You have nothing to feel guilty about.”  
  
She allows the contact for a moment then pulls away. “He was a monster,” she says, half to herself. “He killed indiscriminately, razed entire cities to the ground and felt nothing for the lives he’d destroyed. Who could do this?”  
  
“He’s gone,” Neelix reminds her gently. “You weren’t responsible for the things he did in your body or anyone else’s. Please, Kes, put this behind you. Don’t let it change you.”  
  
“But it already has,” she says, and though her voice is pained, her eyes are resolute. “I’m not the same person I was before Tieran. And I don’t know who I’m becoming, but I do know …” she pauses, then deliberately returns her hand to his, “I do know that I need to explore it. And I need to do that on my own.”  
  
The fissure he’s been concealing in his heart cracks open a little wider. But he knows this is for the best.  
  
If his plot to expose the drug dealers on the trading station goes wrong, he could soon be dead. And it’s better for Kes that she not mourn him too deeply.  
  
“I understand,” Neelix says. “Whoever you become, I’m sure she will be wonderful.”  
  
She treats him to that radiant smile that captured his heart all those years ago, squeezing his hand. “You’ve been so important to me, Neelix. And I’ll always love you.”  
  
“And I love you,” he replies, his voice soft. “Goodbye, Kes.”  
  
It’s difficult to unwind his fingers from hers and walk away, but he’s left everything and everyone he loves before, and he can do it again.


End file.
